Through out history the “F” word was used

"What the freak was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
 
"Where the freak is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic
 
"That's not a real freaking gun." - John Lennon
 
"Who's gonna freaking find out?" - Richard Nixon
 
"Heads are going to freaking roll." - Anne Boleyn
 
"Let the freaking woman drive." - Commander of Space Shuttle
 
"What freaking map?" - "Challenger," Mark Thatcher
 
"Any freaking idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein
 
"It does so freaking look like her!" - Picasso
 
"How the freak did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
 
"You want what on the freaking ceiling?" - Michael Angelo
 
" Buck a duck." - Walt Disney
 
"Why?- Because its freaking there!" - Edmund Hilary
 
"I don't suppose its gonna freaking rain?" - Joan of Arc
 
"Scattered freaking showers my ass." - Noah
 
"I need this parade like I need a freaking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

Submitted by  Ho'okani

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Whatever's ailin' ya, this will make ya feel better!
Are you pissed? Don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know!

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
 
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an ass hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'ass hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
 
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him
up and yell, "You're an ass hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller, ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'ass hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller, ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an ass hole!" and hung up.
 
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off an d pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale " sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first ass hole (I had his number on speed dial),
I thought that I'd better call the BMW ass hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd., in west="on">Fairfax .

I have a yellow Rambler and a black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don and you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, ass hole," and hung up.
Then I called Ass hole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, ass hole," He yelled, "If I ever
find out who you are..."
 
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"
I answered, "Well, ass hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oak tree Blvd. in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to w:st="on">Fairfax .
I got there just in time to watch two ass holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars,
an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
 
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.

Submitted by  Ho'okani

  The  Media (Accidently?)
Missed  this one!!!!
Submitted by Laura

"When dreams appear and spirits wander
in the mist,
the midst, we see
Darkness holds and light emerges
love and lust and longing
yet seasons come and they go

Before us still, sight unseen
is the longest movie, mystery show
of love we purport we cannot see
Eyes wide shut, eyes wide open
without Pain
or Death be told

Visions remain, hope holds fast
Intentions are stable and the heart beats
we breathe, we listen, we follow

Sight unseen, before us still
Light or Dark
in the mist, the midst
We See

When dreams appear and spirit wanders
clear before us under the rising sun and falling moon
all we have is what we hold
dear
love and lust and longing so
yet still
seasons come and seasons go

All we stand is where we know"

K. O'nui o kekai 2007

"How Did it Stand"

How did it stand unknown so
long
These pearls alone at sea
Were pirates, traders and men
of war
unamused by the beauty
of her shores

Could the vast and moving
sea and shadowing clouds
conspire to protect the
heart.
Did the sun blind those
searching in vain
then allowed our
culture to start.

Now the current draws and
the clouds sail by
The sand shimmers
away
And a thousand lenses
lock that moment
and send her far
away.

What can we possibly
leave behind
That will not be
taken today?

M. Osorio 1978

"Anchored Alone"

Anchored alone in a silent sea
the voice of the Islands called.
And led the spirit of a hundred men to witness the rise and fall.
Of the moving sea that tempered souls
and bathed the coast to make sand from stone.
Of the fiery hands that dwelled within
Of ashen hair and auburn skin.
Of the passionate winds and blazing sun
Of the pure brown eyes of her daughters and sons.

We were once stronger in body and mind
but all that matters changes in time.
And like our Islands we anchor alone
and witness the rise and fall of our home.

M. Osorio 1986

Keeping in Reference with the hand counting goings on in Florida....



If 99.9% is good enough then....

12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily

114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped/year

18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled/hour

2,000,000 documents will be lost by the IRS this year

2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers

Two planes landed at Chicago's O'Hare airport will be unsafe every day

315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled

20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year

880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect
cardholder information on their magnetic strips

103,260 income tax returns will be processed incorrectly during the year

5.5 million cases of soft drinks produced will be flat

291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly

3056 copies of tomorrow's Wall Street Journal will be missing one
of the three sections

A typical day would be 24 hours long (give or take 86.4 seconds)

George W. Bush would be the next President of the United States.
(or possibly Al Gore)

Kapa 'Ahu

                             
It's late afternoon, the sun still hot and bright
well above Mauna Ulu and Hilina Pali.
From the trough to the coast the wind is diverted
or..insignificant.

Black , silver and gray  in any direction..
The hand of Pele plotting her way back home.
The skin reminds you of the journey.
Cracks and crumbles, turns to rise, falls spins sweeps and freezes.
Your heading is the sea , there is only your trail .

An hour or so the Kipuka Kapa'ahu
spared by grace pointing southeast
and falling to the water.

The wind changes the dancing swells,
The oceanfront now cooler and
the pali glows light orange.
The early moon clips the horizon.
Ene'nue slip away while the red fish
begin the night. 

My lantern has cast me as a giant. My shadow bends impossibly
on the white water. Mempachi and the aweo' weo now closer.

Being here is important  to me.
It is private but I share it with you and I share the bounty of Kapa'ahu! 

M. Osorio 1994